Monday, January 26, 2009

watching sober house with dr. drew is giving me new insights into me and my recovery

So, i finally caught up on some of my tv watching today and checked out the first 2 episodes of sober house with dr. drew. i got hooked on his show celebrity rehab, but not for the reason that i expect most people watch. i have a feeling most people watch this like it is another celebreality show, but for me i enjoy watching the rehab experience. watching these people struggle with sobriety reminds me that i'm not the only in the battle with addiction. and, i always intringued by dr. drew's insights into addiction and mental illness. he often reminds of the ineffable counselor i had in rehab. she cared enough to give us tough love and call our actions like she saw it.
one of drew's insights on the first episode really struck me. when i was going through rehab like many people, there was so much information coming at me at once that i am sure only 1/3 of it truly sunk in. drew said addicts have a real problem with rules and routines so living in a sober house and being forced into mundane routines and chores is good for recovery. to this day, i struggle with routines and rules. i have run away from office jobs for this reason. i am always afraid that routines mean that i am somehow missing out and becoming boring or a normie like my parents. for instance, i bought a treadmill a 2 years ago as a christmas present to myself; and it has become a glorified clothes hanger. in fact, my "going out" routines are some of the few i have been able to keep. i need to apply the diligence that i put into always have my night out with friends on tuesdays to other aspects of my life and stop making excuses. i also know that i am not one who can handle too many changes at once. if i try to change too many things at once when i begin failing at keeping up with one, i give up on them all. so, instead of making a slew of "new year's resolutions"(happy chinese new year's all!), i'll start with one and when i think i've got that down i'll move on to another. even though i feel that my weight is one of the biggest issues i want to tackle, i know me well enough to know that this cold weather makes it easy for me to make rationalizations to not workout and the economy allows easy outs to not spend money on healthier food(damn increased costs of produce during the winter).
so, i think i want to start with housekeeping. i hate cleaning. i truly cannot emphasis how much i will do to avoid it. but, unfortunately, so does dan. i will need to start with a good floor to ceiling cleaning of my house. then, create a system of maintenance. wednesdays and thursdays are my days off, but i already have plans for wedesday with trav. so, i need to live up my wednesday and stick to plans on thursday. so, wish me luck and hopefully y'all can bug me to keep up with my goal.
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