Thursday, June 18, 2009

here's the deal

I am sure many of you thought I just dropped off the side of the planet at least when it comes to blogging. I know I have hinted that I would have big news or at least life changing news for me at some point soon. Well, the life changing decision that I made was something I kept under wraps at least until I had made it clear to those directly involved. Since I have made it as clear as I feel I possibly can now, I will share with y'all. I am leaving my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years that I currently live with. I feel like I can understand now the difficulties many people going through divorce go through. In many ways, I think it would be easier if we had been married at least when it comes to the division of property and who's moving out etc.
I really don't want to go through the reasons for my decision with the world and seem like I am trashing him over the internet. He has quite a presence on the internet. I wouldn't want him trashing my name, so I won't stoop to that level either. I will say I have come to feel like the novelty of us being such different people with different goals has worn off.
I made the decision the end of May and did a lot of avoiding my home until I was ready to talk to him about my decision. That was part of the reason I was away from blogging. I was basically staying busy for the sake of staying busy. In addition to my time away from home, my boyfriend has gotten a new video making gig on a website that has necessitated his using of the computer quite a bit. I will be taking the laptop with me when I go, and then should be back to regular blogging, emailing, commenting, etc. Since I am going to be doing a lot of packing, cleaning, etc. over the next few weeks, I will try to start back on the net as much as I can; but my time may be limited. I feel like I sound like I am making a lot of excuses, but the reality of the matter is that sometimes stuff gets in the way.
Some of you have contacted me personally. I want to say how much I appreciate your support. I have an amazing group of supportive friends. I am constantly reminded how lucky I am.
I am super nervous about this all. I can't believe I am starting over yet again. Trying to work things out financially worries me tremendously. The idea of dating again as a thirtysomething(for the first time ever) after being off the market literally for years is both exciting and daunting. I'm not even sure how to meet a new guy these days. And, not so sure how my game is anymore. It really feels like a ton of change all at once. And, I have yet to figure out how to tell my parents. I don't think this will go well at least from them.
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